I Love You part2

After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…
Me: I don’t need it. Jin: What….why…
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
“I’m sorry” He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!
But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…
Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted… But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
“Jin, move!” HONK~!! “Boom!” That sound, so terrifying.
That’s how he went away from me. That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…
“One…two… three…” That was how… I started to count the dolls…
“Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty five…” It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…
“I love you~, I love you~” I dropped the dolls,shocked.
“I….lo..ve…you??” I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
“I love you~ I love you~” It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much…
“Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…”
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…
For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life.

I Love You part1

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…

“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.
“I can’t”
“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment grabbing me.
“No… I am going to meet a friend…”

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all. He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why…
Then one day…
Me: Um, Jin, I …
Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…
Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Jin…
Jin: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What’s this?
Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted… “Wait…”
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.
“I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday

Letting Her Go

"I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! " Jeanne's eyes were wide and filled with tears. She was afraid of what he would say to her.
---------------------------------------------

Jeanne was a nerdy girl with thick glasses. She was a junior in her middle school. She was in love with the hottest guy in the entire school.
And now, she told him that she loved him.
"Haha! Shut up. Nobody would like you! Who do you think I am?"
Jeanne had feared he would say something like that. She was devastated. She started running. She didn't want to face him ever again. All these thoughts and feelings ran throughout her head. Until, she bumped into something.
"Hey, whats up?"
She had bumped into James.
"WHAT?! I'll GO TELL HIM! WHERE DOES HE GET THAT NERVE! SOMETIMES, I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M HIS BEST FRIEND! THAT'S IT! i'M GOING TO GO BEAT HIM UP!"
"NO! James! Don't do it! It's not his fault. I was the foolish one to think we can ever date."
"But Jeanne!"
" No, it's OK! I should go."
" JEANNE... James grabbed her by the wrist as she was getting up. Don't go."
Jeanne stared into his eyes and felt so warm and fuzzy; a feeling she didn't feel for a long time. But, she looked away. She saw in such a long time, it felt awkward to feel it again. And then she gently took her wrist out of James' grasp and slowly walked away from him with tears in her eyes.
"Dammit, James! You really did it this time! Jeanne just left you! And why are you trying to hit on her?"
James walked back home with his hands stuffed in his pocket. Thoughts of Jeanne ran throughout his head. He didn't want Jeanne to be hurt by a jackass. He wanted to show her that he loved her. He wanted to show her he cared. But Jeanne just seemed to ignore him. And then, something ran into him. He crashed on the ground and saw Jeanne was on top of him. She seemed to not know whom she crashed into. James smiled.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm very, very sorry. I should have been more careful.. I'm sorry. Can I repay you somehow?"
"Jeanne", James said, lifting her chin and brushing her bangs. Jeanne looked through his soft eyes and almost melted.
"James..." said Jeanne. Suddenly, she started crying. James was shocked.
" J-Jeanne? What's wrong?"
"I' m s-s-such a f-fool! H-How c-c-can I th-think t-that G-Gyung H-Hoon c-can love me?"
"Jeanne.. I would not call that foolish.. I actually admire you going up to him and confessing. However, crying about him is indeed foolish. Jeanne, Don't cry about that jerk. Here, let's go to my house. We're right in front of it!" Jeanne nodded.
James led her to the bathroom.
"Take off your glasses. We need to wipe those tears off." He said with a smile. Jeanne took them off without a word. James turned on the water and wet a washcloth. Then, he gently wiped her tears off her face.
" James.. Do you love me?" James was startled by this comment.
" Why do you ask me that?"
" Because.. it seems like it. Do you?"
" Haha! Jeanne, you are my friend."
" Oh.. OK. I think I'm not so teary now. Thanks, James."
" No Problem. Do you want something to drink?"
" Um... OK." She followed James out the door.
He handed her a glass of orange juice and they sat down outside on a bench.
" Are you going to be all right?"
" Yeah.. Thanks. But I don't think I'll be able to face him again."
" When he calls you something bad, just yell my name. OK?"
" OK." she said with a small laugh.
" But what are you going to do when I call you?"
" I'm going to beat him up!"
" What if everyone starts hating you?"
" It doesn't matter. As long as the one girl I love is happy."
" Ooh, James! You like someone?"
" Yeah.. Guess. I'll never tell you until you get the right answer."
" Hmm... is it Amy? She's pretty! What about Lauren? She's nice and quiet. Or is it Becca? She's generous. Or maybe it's Courtney! She's not all that nice though..."
After a few tries, she gave up.
"Who is it? I'm dying of curiosity!"
" Let's see.. she has glasses.. she's in love with Eric, she's sitting right next to me! Jeanne let out a small gasp."
" M-Me?" James nodded. Jeanne almost passed out.
" James! I have declared you crazy." James started laughing.
" Why won't you believe me? I like you.. I want you to be my girlfriend."
" But you're the second hottest guy in school! What if everyone criticizes you for bad taste in girls?"
" I don't care¦ I told you. As long as the one girl I love is happy." he said, smiling.
" No, really, James. No games this time. All serious.. all right?"
" Yeah.. I know."
" Oh my god..." Jeanne said, covering her mouth with her hand.
"Jeanne, I just want to be the right guy for you." he said while putting his arm around her shoulder. She leaned against him and for the first time, she felt accepted by someone special.
"But, James! Why did you say I was just a friend before?"
"Umm! I didn't feel like it was time yet." Jeanne nodded. She knew how hard it was to say, "I love you." She knew how nervous you would feel. And she knew how hard it was to feel the reject.
"I understand, James. I'm just glad you told me. I'll think about it."
"Jeanne, do you still like Eric?"
"Yes!"
"What has he got, that I don't?"
"I just don't know! I mean! you two look the same! you guys wear things all similarly! but! I like Eric better."
"All right! I'll make him like you. He knows he's not going to win in a fight." Jeanne wrapped him in her arms.
"James! I'm all right. You don't have to do all that." And then he wrapped her in his arms.
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"Eric, can I see you for a moment?"
"What up, dude?"
"It's about Jeanne!"
"Oh no! don't tell me about that ugly! I just barf when I hear her name!"
"SHUT UP! DUDE, YOU JUST HAVE TO GIVE HER A CHANCE! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
"Hey! I have other girls who want me. The least thing I need now is another girl who is ugly and slow liking me."
"She's not ugly and slow! She's kind and beautiful in the inside when you get to know her!"
"Wait! do you!?"
"Yes! I do!"
"Haha! Then why don't you date her?"
"Because! she's in love with a jackass!"
"STILL? Haha! Man, she's hilarious! After I rejected her like that?"
"Hey! please! it would mean a lot to me! just say that you at least like her as a friend and apologize for what happened last time. Man, she came running all the way to my house and started crying! She was just! out of control, man! Just tell her that! please?"
"All right!"
"You're the best!"
"Hey, Jeanne! I'm sorry for what happened last time. I was sort of tired and grouchy. I wasn't in a good mood. I never wanted to say it that way. I like you as a friend. And I want to keep that relationship. All right?" Eric let out a hand for a shake. Jeanne nodded. She let out her hand and they had a friendship shake, which made James smile.
"See? Eric likes you! He just wants to keep the relationship just as friends! All cool with you?"
"Yes.." she said softly. James took her hand and walked away with her.
"You all right, now?"
"Yeah!" she nodded. "But he only wants us to be friends! because I'm a nerd!"
"Jeanne! Why don't you ever think about me? You know he's a jerk! Why do you mope around for that! So what, if he doesn't like you! Everyone is different, Jeanne. To my eyes, you are a beauty. You can't always think about him! There are other guys out there for you! Not just Eric and me! I really don't want to see you like this."
"James! Do you really love me?"
"I don't think I need to answer that!" They stared at each other for a long time.
"James!" She tried to push him away and he staggered a little.
"Jeanne! answer this for me! do you love me?"
"James, I never intended to be your girlfriend. I just want to be your friend."
"Oh, I see! you're treating me like how Eric treated you. You don't want to be my girlfriend because I'm way different than you. You don't want to be my girlfriend because I'm better looking than you and you're afraid that people will jeer you because of that. Well, you know what? I don't care about any of that!" And with that, he grabbed her and locked her lips into his. After a while, he moved away.
"Oh, you really do love me!" She hugged him.
"But, Jeanne! do you still have feelings for him?"
"Yes! I always have, and always will."
"Do you want to be pretty? Like those girls over there?" James pointed to a group of girls. They all had big hoop earrings and what Jeanne noticed was that they did not have any thick glasses like her. Jeanne nodded. She was pretty ashamed about it.
"It's all right, Jeanne. All girls want to be good looking. Even they were ugly once. Everyone is."
"Really?"
"Sure! I used to act like a girl once. I always thought about my appearance, my clothes, and my hair ; just like a girl."
"Haha! That's funny!"
"It's good to see you laugh. Now, Jeanne. I'll help you become pretty'. Then will you be happy?"
"I don't know. I've never been attractive in my life.." she said innocently.
"Well, it's time you are!"
__________________________

"OK! we'll start off with your hair. It's nice and curly. I don't think it's right to put it up in a hairdo or anything. Something needs to go with it. And I have just the perfect thing."
"What is it?"
"Jeanne! we need to pierce your ears."
"WHAT?!"
"AAAAAAAHHH! OUCH!"
"Well, that wasn't so bad! right?"
"Yeah right," Jeanne said, rubbing her ears. "James, it's even painful to touch my ears!"
"Then just leave them alone before you get an infection!"
"All right! Geez!"
"Now, we need to focus on your clothes. You can't always have a blouse with a tight sweater squeezed over it, you know. It looks like our school has a dress code. You should have a tight shirt with a miniskirt. That would look good on you."

"OK! now that we have all the clothes and jewelry, all we need to fix are your glasses. We need contacts for your eyes."
"How are we going to do that?"
"I know someone who can get us contacts. I knew my eye doctor for a long time. He can help us with it."
"So you want to give her contacts for these glasses?"
"Yeah. Can you help us?" "Well! the lens are really thick! You must be studying really hard, student," he
looked at Jeanne. She smiled and nodded.
"So! will you take them?"
"Yeah, I guess. I really like the design. It can be a display. And whoever wants it, can get it. All right, let's get you some contacts."
"That was pretty easy, right, Jeanne?"
"But it's pretty weird not pushing up some glasses every 10 seconds."
"Haha. But your new blue eyes look marvelous."
"Wait a minuet! You got blue contacts? BLUE?!"
"Yeah. And the extra pair is just regular hazel... the same color as your eyes."
"I want the hazel ones. I don't want to be a Caucasian."
"No. Don't you want to be matching with Eric? Eric has blue contacts, too, you know!"
"Fine!" Jeanne pouted. But James knew inside she was happy. He knew he was going to have to let go of her.
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On Monday, James brought Jeanne to school. Everyone gathered around them and agreed that James and the new beautiful girl was a good couple. James put his arm around Jeanne and took her to Eric.
"What up, man? Who's the chick?" Eric asked.
"You'll never know."
"So tell me!"
"You want to tell him, girl?" James asked Jeanne.
"Hi! I'm Jeanne." James and Jeanne smiled when they heard him gasp.
"The! the nerdy! nerdy girl?"
"The same, Eric! the same."
"Can I talk to you, James?" Eric took James away from Jeanne. "Dude, what the hell is happening here? That's not Jeanne, right?"
"It is Jeanne! How can you live like that? How can you live with one spontaneous idea stuck in your head? Can't you ever think about Jeanne being beautiful and attractive?"
"Well! no."
"See? I knew this was a bad idea. But she loves you! Can't you believe that? And I love her! so I'm letting her go to the one jerk she loves. Peace, man," and with that, James walked away. "Good luck, Jeanne." He stuffed his hands into his pants pockets. He tried to stop the tears from streaming down his face. Jeanne! if you love him that much! I'll let you go. I hope that jackass won't hurt you.
"So! You're Jeanne! The one I rejected?"
"Umm! Yeah."
"Well! I've thought about it, but I think I want you to be my girlfriend."
"Your girlfriend?"
"Yeah." Jeanne couldn't believe her ears. Thank you, James. "So! do you accept?"
"Of course I do! It's always been my dream!"
"Gosh! you have pretty weird dreams! Hey, you look cold. Here." Eric took off his sweater and wrapped it over Jeanne. Jeanne was so happy she was crying. Eric wiped her tears and comforted her.
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After school, Jeanne called James to thank him.
"Hello?"
" James! Thank you so much! It went so well between Eric and me!"
"That's! that's great, Jeanne."
" I owe it all to you. Let's go out for lunch or something sometime. I'll pay." Jeanne sounded so happy.
"Jeanne, I don't think that'll be possible."
" Why not?"
"I'm leaving! to Korea."
" What about your parents? Why are you going? How are you going? I just don't believe this!"
"My parents were dead a long time ago, Jeanne. I have enough money to get on a plane to Korea."
" But! what about me? I thought you loved me!"
"Yes, I do. But you're in love with someone else and I don't want to burden you. I want you to be happy with the one you love and not be pressured by me. Tell Eric that I congratulate him and tell him good-bye please. Bye, Jeanne."
Click!
Jeanne couldn't believe it. She was able to date because of James. She was able to get attractive because of James. She was always comforted because of James! And he was leaving her out by herself in the big, hateful, hideous world. She felt suddenly so scared. She dialed James's number again, but he disconnected the phone. She finally knew who was important to her now.
She quickly dressed into the clothes James had bought for her and ran outside. She was running for dear life to James's house. When she got there, he was right there, in front of her.
Jeanne was so happy she cried out, "JAMES!" He turned to face her. "James, how can you leave me like this?" James looked at her with his soft eyes.
"I'm sorry, Jeanne. I have to leave. My cab's here. Bye, Jeanne." James gave her a peck on the cheek and disappeared into the taxi. She watched the taxi disappear into the curve and watched her James gone! forever. She started crying and crying as if her life was over. But it was! she was now alone in the world, with no one to support her.
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-15 years later-
James came back to America as a successful lawyer. He came back to America in search for the girl he had loved 15 years ago. Everyone in Korea had questioned him. And now that he was back, he was able to search as much as he wanted. But, little did he know there was a problem with that.
"Eric?" James had called Eric. They were in touch the whole time James was in Korea.
" Hey! What's up?"
"I came back to America, dude!"
" Oh! Umm! OK!"
"I want to ask about Jeanne. Is she all right?"
" You see, James. There's something about that you should know."
"I'm getting a bad feeling about this!"
" Well, I guess you can say she's happy and well."
"What do you mean?"
" She's with God, man. She's gone."
"Haha. Nice joke. I'm not kidding. Tell me where she is."
"DUDE! I'M TELLING YOU! AFTER YOU TOLD HER YOU WERE LEAVING HER, SHE STARTED GETTING DEPRESSED AND GETTING STRESSED! IT WAS HORRIBLE, MAN! WHY THE F*CK DID YOU LEAVE? SHE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE! BECAUSE OF YOU, SHE HAD TO SUICIDE! WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU DUMASS JERK! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED HER! I DON'T THINK THAT'S WHAT GUYS WHO FALL IN LOVE DO TO THEIR CRUSH! SH*T! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. REMEMBER WHEN YOU CALLED ME A JACKASS? You'd better think again.- Click! The phone fell from James's hand. He dropped to his knees in disbelief. He just couldn't believe it. He felt like everything was against him. He felt so angry with himself. He felt like ripping himself up. He wanted to follow Jeanne up to heaven.
For days and days, James didn't eat a morsel of food. He started getting so much stress.
-20 days later-
James was buried right next to Jeanne's grave. His tombstone read:
R.I.P.James Park
1980-2005
THE ONE MAN WHO LET GO OF A WOMAN AND LOST HER

Love Is

I had three friends. Eric, Cathlyn, Carol.
Eric was chased by all the girls in our high school.
Cathlyn was one of those popular girls. Cheerleader, sexy, and stylish.
Carol was just one of those plain and average girls .
Cathlyn and Carol were both totally crazy and wacko over Eric.
Cathlyn didn't have to do anything to attract Eric.
For she was already attractive enough.
Carol on the other hand, showered Eric which love and care.
Carol wasn't ugly at all.
In fact, she looked sweet and pleasant.
But she wasn't a cheerleader, she didn't were spaghetti-straps or tubes.
So like everyone expected, Eric chose Cathlyn.
For Carol was just one ordinary and plain girl.
While Cathlyn was labele d as the cool and attractive type.

Eric always insulted Carol.
Telling her what a 'Plain Jane' she was.
And how dumb she looked.
Which obviously made Carol feel so hurt and useless.
That's life. Carol never gave up though.
She wanted to prove something to Eric.
She wanted to prove that looks aren't everything.
She studied hard, really hard.
She became the top girl, and all the guys who once ignored her, chased her.

But she never forgot Eric.
Everyday, she put a red rose in Eric's locker.
Always with the same words.
'I care for you, and I always will'
Because she knew that Eric was facing a hard time.
Eric began to realise.
How dumb he had been.
His beloved girlfriend, Cathlyn.
Was flirting with other guys.
He regretted for choosing the wrong girl.
Cathlyn broke up with Eric later.
For she had found a wealthier guy.
Eric felt so cheated, stupid and dumb.
He went to look for Carol.
He knelt on his knees, and said.
"Carol, please forgive me. Do you want to be my girlfriend?"
Carol rejected him, much to everyone's surprise.
She only uttered these words.
"You've suffered a great loss, so I don't want you to face another one"
Eric felt disappointed.
He didn't understand a word that she said to him.
But they became good friends.
Did everything together.
Eric began to change into someone better.
Because Carol showered him with the love he never experienced before.
His ex-girlfriends had never treated him that way.
They just accepted him for his looks.
But Carol accepted him for himself .
She changed him.
Carol continued putting a red rose into his locker everyday.
With the same words. She never forgot.
One day, Carol didn't turn up in school.
She didn't come for a week.
At first, Eric thought that she was on a vacation with her family.
Because she told him that she would be going Hawaii with them.
But one day. He received a call from the General Hospital.
Saying that Carol was about to die.
She had been suffering from cancer.
But Carol forbade them from telling him.
Because she didn't want Eric to worry about her.
But now that she was about to die.
She wanted to see Eric for the last time.
Eric rushed to the hospital.
When he saw how weak Carol was.
Tears began rushing down his cheeks.
He whispered.
"Why didn't you tell me earlier? Why did you hide this from me?"
She looked at him . And smiled weakly at him.
"When I said that I didn't want you to suffer from facing another loss, I meant this. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to worry. I wanted to spend my last days with you cheerfully." Eric looked at her.
"You can't leave me!" he said.
"What will I be without you?"
"You'll be who you are now. I will always be there by your side. Never forget that. Cherish those times. Live life happily. And one more thing."
"Yes?" "I love you" And she died. Eric screamed.
He still couldn't accept Carol's death.
He had only spent a month with Carol.
A month. But Carol changed his life in a way.
A way that no one could ever explain. He regretted.
But he knew that Carol would always be keeping an eye on him from Heaven.
Sometimes We just don't appreciate those people who really care for us.
Until they leave us. Until we lose them. Then we regret.
Outer beauty doesn't matter; it's the inner one that counts.
It's better to tell someone how much you love them.
Rather than to not tell them and lose them without telling them.
You'll regret Love is. When we fight till the very last minute.
Just to show and tell someone how much we love them.

Chris Diary Part2

With her begging, my cold heart softened, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked in the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember it right, it said, "Chris and Susan was here, Chris had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate. Hope Chris and Susan would always remember this day, always loving each other, forever." She was looking around for quite a while, then she came back slowly with tears on her face.

She said, "Chris, I can't find it, it's not there anymore."
I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"
I opened up my big black umbrella, she was just standing there, didn't want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. She said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?"
I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the train station, didn't say a word to each other.
Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me again. First I thought the pain wouldl go away, but it grew stronger until to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide. But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years's feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.
The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there, waiting, loosing our last moments in silence.
I saw the taxi from far away, I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself."
She didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life. The car started, driving into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi, because I knew, this would be the last time I see her. I wanted to tell her I still love her, I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling down my face, blended with the cold rain drops. I was cold, not because of the rain. I was cold inside.
She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Chris, I'm that girl Susan, using my memory, and his diary I found after one year since he left, writing down these last words.

Chris Diary Part1

It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy. She called and said she was coming up. It was the third time she came up to see me that week. I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby seven-eleven. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. Her friend had dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep her warm. I walked up to her and said, "You shouldn't come see me anymore," and stuff like how we shouldn't be together. She said, "I miss you." I told her coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home." She did not open up her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine. I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go." Unwillingly, She opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She said she hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat. Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!" Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station, she said she would take the train back home. Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must feel when she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her stay for the night. But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other train station." We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having living together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she graduated she went back home, and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship. We were walking along the side of the road. She was in front of me and I was right behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, she was too into thinking or whatever she was doing, drifting off the road, she almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms, but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we use to always go. She begged and said, "Lets go in the park just for a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this."

I love you not

Boy: Baby, we need to talk.
Girl: Ricardo, what do u mean?
Boy: Something has come up...
Girl: What? What's wrong? Is it bad?
Boy: I don't want to hurt you, baby.
Girl: *Thinks* Oh my God, I hope he doesnt break up with me... I love him so much.
Boy: Baby, are you there??
Girl: Yeah, I'm here. What is so important??
Boy: I'm not sure if I should say it..
Girl: Well, you already brought it up, so please just tell me.
Boy: I'm leaving...
Girl: Baby, what are u talking about?? I don't want you to leave me, I love you.
Boy: Not like that, I mean I'm moving far away.
Girl: Why? All of your famliy lives over here.
Boy: Well, my father is sending me away to a boarding school far away.
Girl: I can't believe this.
[FATHER: (Picks up the other phone, interrupts & yells furiously
ERICA!, what did I tell you about talking to boys?!!!... Get off the
damn phone!! (And hangs up).]

Boy: Wow, your father sounds really mad.
Girl: You know how he gets, but anyways, I dont want you to go.
Boy: Would you run away with me?
Girl: Baby, you know I would, I would do anything for you, but I can't... You don't know what would happen if I did. My dad would kill me!
Boy: *Sad* It's okay.. I understand, I guess..
Girl: *Thinking*I can't believe what's going on.
Boy: I need to give you something tonite, because I am leaving on
flight 1-80 in the morning, so I need to see you now.
Girl: Okay, I will sneak out & meet you at the park.
Boy: Okay, I'll meet you there in 20 minutes.
[They meet at a nearby park, they both hug eachother. And he gives
her a note.]
Boy: Here you go, this is for you. I gotta go.
Girl: *Tear* (Begins to cry.)
Boy: Baby, dont cry, you know I love you... But I have to go.
Girl: Okay (Begins to walk away.)
[They both go back home. And Erica begins to read the letter he gave her]
It says...
"Erica,

You probably already know that I'm leaving, I knew this would be better if I wrote a letter explaining the truth about how much I care about you. The truth is, is that I never loved you, I hated you so much, you are my bitch and dont you ever forget that. I never cared about you, and never wanted to talk to you, and be around you. You really have no clue how much I hate you. Now that I'm leaving I thought you should know that I hate you, bitch. You never did the
right thing, and you were never there. I didnt think I could hate someone as much as I hate you. And I never want to see you, for the rest of my life, I will never miss kissing you like before, I never want to cuddle up, how we used to. I will not miss you and that's a promise. You never had my love, and I want you to remember that. Bitch, you keep this letter because this may be the last thing you have from me. Fuck, I hate you so much. I will not talk to you soon bitch... Goodbye.
- Ricardo"
[ Erica begins to cry, she throws the paper in tha garbage & crys for hours ]
... A day passes, she is sad, depressed and she feels so lonely... Then she gets a phone call....
Friend: How are you feeling?
Girl: I just cant believe this happened.. I thought he loved me.
Friend: Oh, about that. Ricardo left me a message. A few days ago. He told me to tell you to look in your jacket pocket or something...
Girl: Umm.. okay.
[She finds a piece of paper in the jacket,
It says:
"Baby I hope you find this before you read my letter. I knew your dad might read it, so I switched a few words...
Hate = Love
Never = Always
Bitch = Baby
Will not= will
.... I hope you didn't take that seriously because I love you with all my heart, and it was so hard to let you go thats why I wanted you to run away with me... -Ricardo"]
Girl: Oh my God! It's a letter.. Ricardo does love me!!, he must of slipped it into my pocket when he hugged me. I can't believe how stupid I am!!

Friend: lol Okay but I g2g... Call me later.
Girl: *happy*okay, bye, I'll be at home waiting for my baby to call me!
... Erica turns the T.V. on......
[Breaking news] "An airplane has crashed. Over 47 young boys died, we are still searching for survivors... This is a tragedy we will never forget, this plane was flight 1-80... it was on its way to an all boys boarding school..." the Reporter says.
[ She turns off the t.v. ... 3 days later, she kills herself, because of the fact that Ricardo was dead & she had nothing to live for... ]
... A day after that the phone rings. Nobody answers. It was Ricardo, he called to leave a message. "Its Ricardo, I guess you're not home so, I called to let you know that I'm alive, I missed my flight because I had to see you one last time. So, I hope your not worried. I am staying for good